I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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