you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We have started to decorate penises.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
