It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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