just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
