I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
