I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
