My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
