Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
