and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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