I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
