Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
