I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
