Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
