WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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