So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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