y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
