tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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