i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
