The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
