I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
