And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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