so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
