Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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