so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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