New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize