So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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