I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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