I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
