I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
