pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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