Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
