I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wish I only lived at night.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
