wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
