Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
