i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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