we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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