I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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