Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
