That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
