I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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