I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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