Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
