dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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