I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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