dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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