did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
