I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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