pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
