Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
