i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Text me some of your sweat
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