Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
