I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
