i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
