Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
