i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
