i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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