she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
