i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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