i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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