Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
