I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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