this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
