can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
