Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
