just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
this hospital has no fireball
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
