is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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