Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
