You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
