Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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