My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
