Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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