If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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