you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
They have beer where we have blood.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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