I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
