yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
