Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize