We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
