god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
