So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
