Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
