Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
