never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
