apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
