The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
