he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
