Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
