Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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