I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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