Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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