just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
