Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
