Porn is love you can see.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
