Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
