hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I can't put those talents on a resume
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
