i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
