Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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