I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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