it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
