So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
