we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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