it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
